The Graduation Monster

There is something simultaneously terrifying and thrilling about the prospect of graduating from college. My whole life up until this point has been a neatly sequential road map with comfortably planned hallmarks laid out at predictable increments. Grade school. High school. High school graduation. College. College graduation.

Terrifyingly, the next hallmark on the road map is a gigantic question mark.

What happens next?

For the first time in my life, I feel like the safety net has been taken away and I'm learning how to fly on my own wings. In some ways, I'm ready: I'm confident that I have the skills to make a living for myself, even in this cut-throat economy. In other ways, I'm wildly unprepared. I'm the kind of person who likes to have a plan, who likes to have everything laid out for me. I'm quickly getting to the point where that sequential road map is dependent on my own decisions and my own capacity to create success for myself. It's a heavy weight getting dropped on my shoulders, but somehow, I feel ready. As ready as I'll ever be, anyway.

Tonight in class I had a long talk with one of my friends about our plans after graduation. I told him about my job prospects, and he told me all about his rough plan for the next year. I don't envy him; he's a fine artist specializing in printmaking, so he's relying heavily on the sale of his artwork and applying for gallery shows and grants. And I can tell that he's every bit as scared and uncertain as I am.

There are others with whom I've briefly touched on the subject. There are a lot of 'I don't know's getting thrown around. How do you find jobs in the art industry? How do you bring yourself to apply when entry level is now 2-3 years of experience? How do you cope with the crushing doubt as to whether you're really qualified?

There's something that my mom's always told me in times like these: if it's meant to be, it will fall into place. If it isn't, then don't worry about it.

I'm waiting for my pieces to fall into place. The waiting is definitely the hardest part.